Hirunaka no Ryuusei: Like a Scar
by raadelma
Summary: "When it comes to Shishio, Suzume wants to catch every little detail, every mark. It's almost unbearable urge, to know everything about him." Slightly AU version of chapter 44, Shishio/Suzume.


There is a scar under his collarbone.

It's only a faint mark in his skin, almost invisible if you don't look carefully. But she notices it, just like she noticed that mole-like-star, a long time ago. For some reason that new discovery makes her smile faintly.

"…Chunchun?"

Suzume flinch, finds Shishio looking at her all sudden. He sits on the other side of table, hair still wet from shower. They have been watching television, scenes of some pointless drama-series flashing on screen. Suzume hasn't really paying attention on it, not so much. She doesn't know characters' names nor why that redhaired woman cries, but she does know about Shishio's scar.

Oh, priorities. Her cheeks feel suddenly warm. It doesn't help that he states, his tone blank:

"You were staring at me."

"…No I wasn't."

"Yes. Yes, you were." Even though things have been so awkward between them, he smirks at her, not unkindly. "Did you find anything interesting?"

And yet it's an unfair smile, she thinks. Almost flirty but distant at the same time, one that doesn't reach the eyes. When did he start to do that, smiling at her so shallowly? Like a stranger?

"Where did you get that scar, sensei?"

She was going to be quiet about it, she really was. But she can't bear that look on his face, like they don't know each other at all. When it comes to Shishio, Suzume wants to catch every little detail, every mark. It's almost unbearable urge, to know everything about him.

In times like these it scares her a little; what if she is the only one?

"Scar?" Shishio looks puzzled for a moment, and it's almost a relief - it makes a false smile vanish away. _Much better. _Suzume buries embarrassment somewhere deep inside her and says, voice almost even:

"There is one under your collarbone."

"Oh. That one." Shishio shrugs. "You sure notice everything, Chunchun."

_You don't have to tell me that. _

"It's my battle-scar, actually."

Suzume blinks.

"Huh?"

"Thing is, Chunchun," Shishio says, his smile wide and cheeky (_and almost real_), "When I was young, I wanted to be a wandering samurai. With my best friend, Kenta, to be more specific. So, of course, we did a lot of samurai-ish things, like sword-fights and all that. We needed to rehearse, you know, in case something bad was going to happen. Once Kenta was a little too excited, wanted to beat me really badly, and this is outcome."

"So you two were defenders of Japan, huh?"

"Something like that." His smile is soft now, eyes full of memories. For some reason he looks younger than before, and a little a bit lonely_. _

She wasn't expecting a story like that, not something so… fragile and yet sweet. But then again, there is so much she doesn't know about him. Suzume opens her mouth, ready to ask more questions (_how old were you what about kenta are you two friends anymore)_, but Shishio is faster:

"And you, Chunchun? Got any scars with embarrassing childhood memories?"

"I… I don't think so?"

"Really, at all?" He studies her face, and, maybe without noticing it himself, leans close, closer. "You hurt your forehead back then. Did it leave any marks?"

"I… no… listen, about you and Kenta -"

Then their eyes meet and look on Shishio's face makes Suzume forget how to breathe.

There is something like longing in his eyes, dark and lost and wild (_a lion_). _I should be scared of it,_ she thinks faintly, _I really should. _Instead Suzume feels warm dizziness inside her, happiness so raw it almost hurts. He really is looking at _her_ now; they are strangers to each other no more.

"Sometimes I wish I could just steal you away."

It sounds like sudden confession, a secret he is too tired to keep. Suzume doesn't know how to react, what to say. Sadness is reaching them like it always does, knowledge that together they are _wrong, wrong. _

"We are here now," she whispers anyway, hopes it's enough. Shishio just laughs bitterly, moves away from her.

"No, not like this. I want to take you somewhere I can forget who I am."

_A teacher. _Your _teacher. _Words linger in the air even though they don't say them aloud. On the television someone is crying once more.

They decide to go to sleep almost right after that. It's almost a relief, to disappear under blankets.

When they lie in the dark, in silence, Suzume thinks about scars.

She can almost imagine it; a little boy with messy dark hair and green eyes, running around with a sword not quite real. Big grin on his face, full of life and joy.

And then there's also pain, of course, that's what scars are for. Ache and memories beneath it, usually sad but sometimes happy.

Somewhere behind her, Shishio is already sleeping; Suzume can hear his calm breathing, full of dreams.

_He is my scar. _It's a silly thought, maybe, but Suzume can't let go of it. _My scar, and all these events are soon memories I have to carry my whole life. Something that won't fade away. _

But is it really worth it? All that pain?

A ghost of a sad smile touches her lips. Oh, she knows an answer already.


End file.
